Phew… you don’t even know how much time I had to take to come back here, at last. It was really hard. You know why? Because really, I would not even know what to write. But in the end eventually you need to collect it all and get back. So – here I am – I return and I hope that I never disappear again 🙂
As you know – I – a girl called Karolina, small town girl with big city dreams, started this blog to motivate people through sharing my honest thoughts, the good and the bad, and bring a little light to your day. One day I caught inspiration and I knew that I could not live without it.
In these four months, I incorporated my practice with great pleasure – it was my private remedy for a bad mood, problems, depression, any failure in life… I knew that writing and sharing my progress and thoughts can make every day better. That’s why I practiced it – and I loved it.
This gave me a certain distance to everything, but also a lot of mental strength – because it goes together, in spite of everything, in hand. My friends wondered how it is that this baby is in itself such a reserve of strength. Oh, I could do it! – I, myself was surprised that I could do more and more. I was involved in so many things all at once. For the person who has always had a lazy character, it was a big deal.
I felt great! I didn’t even know how much I could like the feeling of being so strong and independent, juggling so many things at once!
So what happened?
I think I can sum it up just so – life happened.
I remember New Year’s Eve at around midnight. I went outside to watch the fireworks, alone staring at the sky, thinking of things… I said to myself, “Kala, this will be your year! In the end, you’ll show what you can do! Damn… “. Everything was going good, with regular revision, pretty healthy diet and ambitious plans associated with it. I always dreamed of working with people, showing them that keeping on your feet – busy is a natural antidepressant. And what? Karolina started to slack – because it just so happens that I took too much onto my plate. I promised myself that I will not waste what I achieved and I will continue to exercise and stick to my (many) resolutions. So I did, but over time it became terribly difficult. It was not about a lack of motivation. Rather, lack of strength. It was about the fact that nothing was relaxing anymore. It’s not about that sitting in the library (studying) is agony, but the responsibility with which every move I took involved. Continuous stress eventually hit me.