Phew… you don’t even know how much time I had to take to come back here, at last. It was really hard. You know why? Because really, I would not even know what to write. But in the end eventually you need to collect it all and get back. So – here I am – I return and I hope that I never disappear again 🙂
As you know – I – a girl called Karolina, small town girl with big city dreams, started this blog to motivate people through sharing my honest thoughts, the good and the bad, and bring a little light to your day. One day I caught inspiration and I knew that I could not live without it.
In these four months, I incorporated my practice with great pleasure – it was my private remedy for a bad mood, problems, depression, any failure in life… I knew that writing and sharing my progress and thoughts can make every day better. That’s why I practiced it – and I loved it.
This gave me a certain distance to everything, but also a lot of mental strength – because it goes together, in spite of everything, in hand. My friends wondered how it is that this baby is in itself such a reserve of strength. Oh, I could do it! – I, myself was surprised that I could do more and more. I was involved in so many things all at once. For the person who has always had a lazy character, it was a big deal.
I felt great! I didn’t even know how much I could like the feeling of being so strong and independent, juggling so many things at once!
So what happened?
I think I can sum it up just so – life happened.
I remember New Year’s Eve at around midnight. I went outside to watch the fireworks, alone staring at the sky, thinking of things… I said to myself, “Kala, this will be your year! In the end, you’ll show what you can do! Damn… “. Everything was going good, with regular revision, pretty healthy diet and ambitious plans associated with it. I always dreamed of working with people, showing them that keeping on your feet – busy is a natural antidepressant. And what? Karolina started to slack – because it just so happens that I took too much onto my plate. I promised myself that I will not waste what I achieved and I will continue to exercise and stick to my (many) resolutions. So I did, but over time it became terribly difficult. It was not about a lack of motivation. Rather, lack of strength. It was about the fact that nothing was relaxing anymore. It’s not about that sitting in the library (studying) is agony, but the responsibility with which every move I took involved. Continuous stress eventually hit me.
I started to feel bad. I was tired, irritable and sad. I did not feel like doing all those things and yet done them anyway. I thought it was temporary weakness, too much accumulated on my back. It shall pass. It did not unfortunately.
It was time to make a few changes. I dropped out of one of my societies and without even realizing it, totally lost it with my blog. I also lost it with my diet, and didn’t take much care of my surroundings (aka ‘the chair’ was a totally normal part of my bedroom, and I couldn’t care less).
By doing that I had more time for the responsibilities (studies, work, searching for placement and trying to think months and months ahead) which were ‘more important’ than anything at the time. But where was the time for myself?
This blog was very important for several reasons:
- Because the persuasions of people who are very dear to me believed in me more than I did in myself (starting the blog)
- Because after that I started to feel more confident and broke my fears and concerns of expression (through working on each post)
- Most of my posts were summaries of the changes in my life and how I changed…
I had the impression that I fail myself – because this strong and fierce Karolina, who wrote to you weekly, went missing in action. I felt like a completely different person. My energy and commitment were somewhere on the side…
One day I told myself, “Kala baby! You’re not made for losing!” No I’m not… Because, there were many ’emergency situations’ in my life, and I always managed to get out of them alive. Now I have another challenge ahead, and again, I can do it!
I feel that I have got the strength. My life changed but it extremely empowered me to change things in myself and my everyday life. The beginnings are always hard after the break. But I like a good challenge! 😉
I will get used to being back here 🙂 Being able to take the time again, and I hope that through my posts I can motivate you. I have another valuable lesson of life that, unfortunately, that plans are plans but health is health. You have to care of them, control them and not be afraid of taking a break. And most of all, your well-being is your priority.
Quote that stuck in my head over the past few days which was said to me by my dear friends – “What does the cabin crew advise you to do in an emergency situation during a flight? If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.”
To me, this applies to every little thing in life!
I’m sending much love to all of you who are still here!!! ♥